Sometimes I wonder what people expect out of life. I would love to sit down and talk to the woman with the saddest eyes I've ever seen or the man whose face is glowing because he sees the sight of the person whom he loves the most off in the distance or behind his eyelids. I just think that it's interesting to hear the tales that are woven in the minds of others. It's even better when those tales are told by person A but in the style and with the outlook of person B. It's like a massive game of telephone with a bitter and/or sweet twist of the first person's perception which is usually idealized.
Ideology is a mysterious thing. Everyone seeks it. Dreamers live their life by it, religious people live day to day with the belief that they can always be better for a certain end, even pessimists seek a form of it; they just don't necessarily believe that it will ever come true. Or they have a dark and twisty sense of idealism - either way it's there.
It's such a shame, though, when you think about it, that we all have to be so different and secretive in the ways that we choose to pursue these ideologies. We all think that we can each personally contribute to a better something in someway, and we all want this better something to come about for our own good. There are no selfless deeds, after all, since even when we do something for the collective "all," we are in fact part of the "all" which is affected. We each stroll down our own little paths, searching for a glimmer that we can reflect off of cloud and mirror to illuminate the world around us. The world that selfishly revolves around us as individuals, as entities.
But our solitary worlds collide with the worlds of those around us, worlds in which we are foreign, lost, perhaps not trusted or welcome, and not the center of attention. Everyone has his/her own agenda which isn't a bad thing in the slightest. Without said selfishness, the world would not be inhabited; populations would not thrive. No, the true struggle lies in the fact that people deny that they themselves are the only person who will always be there for themselves. They rely upon others to harbor happiness, cultivate hatred or blame and project feelings and problems which ultimately don't or normally wouldn't affect the other people in surrounding worlds.
Life is so complicated in that way, and it's really hard to realize that you only experience a fraction of another person's world, no matter how well you think you know them. There's always small print, mumbled words, whispers under the proverbial breath, and thoughts that aren't and will never be worn upon a sleeve. Existence comes with no instruction manual or box in which you can return it. There are no guarantees. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. Yet, somehow, we're supposed to seek our own happiness and remember that we have bearing only over what we do. We can change the world as long as that world revolves around us, our beliefs and our convictions. We can weep passionate tears that will cultivate the emotive future as long as those streams from our cheeks fall into our own valleys.
How our world affects the worlds of others is where relationships form. That's how change is made in between people and civilizations. Change is a result, thus there is a stimulus that breeds a reaction. Change doesn't just happen. We're all pegs in this ecosystem of constant mutation and thus we each make existence a little harder for someone else being that to them, we are wild cards. They have little bearing over what we do and which decisions we make.
That being said, I'm still optimistic that there is a box somewhere that will at least have a customer service hotline which we can each call and get a little bit of manufacture's insight as to how this whole "life" thin g really works. I could have everything all wrong. I get a lot of things wrong. I consider those mistakes to be recalled, though, at least from here on out. Philosophy is the identity of my idealism. It is logical and revealing of my world. It breathes empathy for others, and it lessens the ridiculousness of the chaos that is my existence. The answers that are sought but never found allow me to grow and explore the worlds of those around me without even knowing their owners' names.
It's a shame that most of my friends are older than I am. I still have so much growing up to do and it seems as though I'm trailing behind. At least I can stand on a firm foundation. For now. Until our worlds collide.
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