This past week has been rough. I know that my holiday is swiftly approaching, I’ve been handed information and faced with difficult decisions, and quite frankly I still have the headache that crept into my skull last Tuesday. It’s official. I’m a mess.
Everything was going swimmingly until Monday when I had a chat with my boss about going forward with the company. We had a very positive conversation about what he sees me doing in/with the company in its future which would have been fine except for the FOC (fear of commitment) in me immediately started to resurface. You see, my boss asked me to come on board a while ago, and all systems were go in my mind with the understanding that I would be doing pretty much the same thing that I do now, only more of it and with less menial responsibility for we’ll have interns to take my place, this making my job a nice transition period in which I get paid while a figure out what it is that I am really passionate about. I planned to stay for six months then go travel and teach English for a bit and see the corners of the world that I would hardly have the opportunity to see if I were one of those people who actually knew what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. However, these plans were foiled when my boss told me that he wanted me to come on board when I get back as the Assistant Director of Online PR and Marketing and also the head of our internal graphic design department. Don’t get me wrong, I’m honored by the offer and I know that it would be an amazing opportunity, but the problem is, if I take the position, I’m leaving loose ends in my life that I’d rather not leave. I am one year away form getting my degree, I want to travel the world in real time - not just weekends at a time, and I want to not tie myself to London for the next X years simply because it’s not the city where I can live for more than another year max. When it comes down to it, I’m a flake. Don’t know myself well enough to pin point what I truly excel at, but I do know myself well enough to know that I constantly change my mind and interests if I’m not being challenged enough and if I don’t have the opportunity to grow in all of the directions in which I yearn to grow. I wish this weren’t the case.
With the above being said, I’m coming back to Springfield and finishing my degree. I know that I have the whole rest of my life to work, and I might even be able to come back to London someday in the future to pursue whichever dream is floating about in my head, but now isn’t the time for it, I don’t believe.
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