So, I'm moving to L.A. instead of New York.

I have several motives for choosing L.A, and the decision wasn't an easy one but for interesting (and very telling) reasons. 

As I was looking for jobs in New York, all I could think about was how I've always wanted to live there. When it came to actually applying for those jobs, however, I was stumped; I couldn't find the motivation to go after any of them, no matter how qualified I was for the positions.

I started to think all of this over: Why did I need to be in NY? What kind of job was I really looking for? Was it a kind of job I wanted to be passionate about forever or was I biding my time until I could move on the the next thing? If I was biding my time, what was that next thing off in the distance, and could it be achievable now without the buffer of another line on my résumé?

I realized that I was taking the steps, once again, to continue to knit a safety net for me to hold onto. I wasn't, however, taking any risks that would allow me to reside anywhere other than in my safety net. It was the back-up plan originally, and somehow I had made it become my central focus, the place where I was living all of the time. In addition, it was a place that harbored the interests that I had borrowed from people I admire, not my own. So in attempt to become more like those I admire, I had attempted to emulate their passions and pass them off as my own zeal.

I'm tired of doing this, and I'm ready to go after the thing that I've always wanted to do–ever since I was a little girl, it's been in the back of my mind as the future. I'm moving to L.A. to pursue a career in acting, or to at least make a go at it. If it doesn't work out, I have a meticulously woven safety net to fall-back upon. 

When I was getting ready to go off to college, my intention was to study at Stephens. I had been admitted and was on track to go. But a few people who I love said some things to me that made me question my own desires and their plausibility, and those words had dictated much of what I've done over the past six years. I can't continue to run after those words in attempt to make those people proud of me any longer, though. It's killing my spirit and making the things I'd loved about myself so long ago slip into the darkness. This summer–The Summer of Change!–is my attempt to reconnect with who I was, who I am, and who I will become. I know it's going to take determination, but so has everything else I've achieved, and this time it's for me.